Thoughts Diary

 "Sometimes you need to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve. "    I've been emphasizing emotions are the most important signal in humans' body. Emotions lead to reactions, it should be the most important criteria to understand a person. Due to this mindset, I think so I've been living under my own emotions for some time until I reacted wrongly. Sometimes I questioned: " Why is this person don't understand people's feelings ah?" But actually how important is your feeling? You should not act because of your feeling, act because of own sensible instead. During the time with you, I was even manja...     During these years, I did not control my behavior as a person, or even a soon-to-be psychologist, because I believe I got you. Your pamper is my everything, letting me behave in the way I prefer. Erm.... that's not the true story actually. You dislike how I acted, how I behave, but I could not control myself anyway. All these whiles ...

 I wonder why am I usually awake at this timing...5am     One of them told me:" why should you check on him? You are living for him day by day.." I totally agree with this. Since the day I met you, I spend all of my time with you to the extend I sometimes sacrificed my job. How immature I was for all the time being with you? From what I can remember, I did not go through this situation during times with exes. I'm always being myself, focus on what am I supposed to do, I was way more charming and attractive back then. After being with you, my world is on you, even worried too much of makeup that you don't find me attractive anymore.      I simply clicked on a website mentioning "relationship" topics, this woman says:"Don't get attract by wound, get attract by worth." This is so straight pointing me at numerous failures in the relationship. For all the time I did not let myself settle down and bound to another man immediately where most of them l...

 Woke up at 1am and didn't able to see your text...     I've been waiting for your text for days and days, I knew its almost impossible for you to text me again, and I am trying my very best to ignore your presence. I deleted your number and archived your presence on any social media, but I still search for you intentionally. All this reminds me of the first relationship I had broken up with, that's when I was 15 years. It took about 8 years to forgive myself in that relationship until I meet you again. I repeat the same mistakes again after 8 years, and the current relationship ended up unpleasantly again.           Can you please don't leave? Anyone can let me know how should I cope with this? I knew the relationship is somehow toxic, even if get back together there may be nothing change, especially the feeling towards you. I may still love you deeply and you may still not able to feel it due to insecurity. Even if I let go of my ego and re...

Was so excited to be back again... but not for a happy reason.     I guess the last time I blogged was during secondary school, and I stopped blogging... erm.... since 14 years old? After a while, my Blogspot was blocked without noticing me. I began to do my writing in my planner, almost every day there was a story and that reflects me so well as a person. Since the day started being with you, this habit was no longer occur. Whenever I have time, I thought of you instead of spending "me" time. The moment when I fell in love with you, you are my everything.          You are so much different from my previous ex-es. You are so much more mature than any of them, you are gentle and considerate. But we fought a lot more because you are not as mature, as gentle, as considerate as what I thought. You didn't do anything romantic for me since the day we met, you don't show your love often, you don't post any of our pictures on social media, and you dislike soci...