Broken glass Day 5

 I wonder why am I usually awake at this timing...5am

    One of them told me:" why should you check on him? You are living for him day by day.." I totally agree with this. Since the day I met you, I spend all of my time with you to the extend I sometimes sacrificed my job. How immature I was for all the time being with you? From what I can remember, I did not go through this situation during times with exes. I'm always being myself, focus on what am I supposed to do, I was way more charming and attractive back then. After being with you, my world is on you, even worried too much of makeup that you don't find me attractive anymore. 

    I simply clicked on a website mentioning "relationship" topics, this woman says:"Don't get attract by wound, get attract by worth." This is so straight pointing me at numerous failures in the relationship. For all the time I did not let myself settle down and bound to another man immediately where most of them love me because I appeared pity and silly in the previous relationship. In fact, the same goes for me when I fell in love with one of the exes due to his tears when get hurt by a girl who he loved. How could I not awake when I know this doesn't work? That's why la... didn't study, didn't read, dumb...

    Erm.... that's not the case, definitely, that's not the reason I fell in love with you. You look charming and attractive in my eyes, you are mature and considerate all the time, that was why I go with you. This broken relationship makes me aware of my own mistakes and felt thankful for giving me space to figure out factors that lead to a broken relationship. 

    Yesterday, you replied to my message that was deleted. I felt so surprised that you actually care. I wonder, do you care about me in person, or feel sympathy towards a person who did not sleep well? I should put myself in your shoes, take some time off and refurbish myself to be a worthy person in people's eyes. Both of us should move on for a better self, perhaps we may attract each other again in the future or someone sees the worth of us. 

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